News 151025 - A New
Synopsis; Thoughts?
Hello everyone. After
considering the suggestions of some of you readers, and thinking for
a while, I've created a new synopsis and would like to know which one
you prefer. This new one? Or the old one? Leave a comment and let me
know. I think the new one is better, but I'd like to know what you
think.
Thanks in advance for you
input :)
New synopsis:
Jason, having given up on
life, yearns for a new beginning; when someone offers him that, with the
added bonus of actually removing his war-haunted personal memories,
how can he refuse? The only problem is: he'll be stuck in a game with
lethal consequences.
Stuck in a game-world he
cannot escape, Jay finds himself in worse shape than he ever thought
he would be, only knowing that he has entered a game he must treat as
reality. How will he survive? How will he cope with a reality that
others can treat as a game, but he cannot?
Old synopsis:
Jason, after living a
life in search of happiness, only to find himself in despair, does
not care about life anymore; this is when he is confronted with a
crossroad of life. He is given the opportunity to create a new life
for himself, a new beginning inside a virtual reality game; the only
catch is, if he dies in the game, he dies in reality. And, to live
inside the game, he must sacrifice his own self before entering, only
keeping the knowledge that he is in a game and that he has chosen to
restart his life.
What he doesn't know,
however, is the reason for the game's creation, and that might just
be what kills him...
So... after a few more
days, I have changed the new synopsis again. Hopefully it has
improved, let me know what you think :)
Personally,
ReplyDeleteOnly strength can make him safe; only relentlessly striving to become the best will liberate him from certain death.
that line made me cringe. I guess it has to do with the sentence before it being a rhetorical question; I would definitely like it more if this two sentence isn't there in the synopsis.
However, I'm not the author, and this is just mere feedback.
Best Regards.
Good to know, I was also questioning that last sentence, thinking it might be best to end it with the rhetorical questions instead. I'll change it since something cringe-worthy isn't good in any way.
DeleteI'm glad you took the time to help me improve it.
Is the newer synopsis better than the older one?
More or less so, yeah XD
DeleteI like the newer one (with the condition of the last sentence not being there) compared to the older version :D
I've removed the last sentence, and I'll soon make the new synopsis a bit more vague. Tell me what you think of the new version of the new one when you have time :)
DeleteI like the new one now! I say it's good enough already xD
DeleteHowever being the picky person I am, i still felt a sentence that is kind of out of pace and which disturbs the paragraph's flow:
So begins the adventure of Jason-s alter-ego Jay.
The line before it has kind of a finality to it, it is a line that increases tension by putting out the fact that our MC is facing a big hardship - death. The neutral tone of the sentence, which is the 'so begins the adventure...' just disrupts that tension, which is felt even more so because the new paragraph suddenly increases the tension again with mystery.
Preferably, the line would be abolished. But!
This is strictly just my personal opinion about it, really; i think i may have looked into it a bit too far, so it is very understandable if you insist on putting that line there because you/other people feel it is good.
Although i would like it if the line is abolished, i must again emphasize the I - this is me speaking, and not people in general. Hence regardless of your decision i will understand & support it fully.
Best Regards.
You make a good point, there isn't really much use of that sentence. Breaking the flow and feeling of the synopsis isn't a good thing. I'll remove “So begins the adventure of Jason-s alter-ego Jay” for now. I'm always grateful for input, it helps a lot.
DeleteI'll be continuing to try and create a better synopsis whenever I can, but it's quite difficult. I wouldn't have thought that before I actually began trying to write one... I shouldn't have this much trouble creating an intriguing synopsis. But I can't really judge them myself anymore since I've written more than eight, and all of them begin to blend together... and I know what will happen for the next few volumes, which makes any suspense impossible to feel for me.
I think the newer one is better, but somehow it feels a bit too detailed if that makes any sense.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I'll take that into consideration and rewrite the synopsis soon. I'll change and make it a bit more vague. It's a lot more difficult to write a synopsis than anything I've written, weirdly enough.
DeleteI like the original more, like Dawnless said, there's too much detail that isn't needed. Don't mean it in a negative way but it feels like you're trying a little too hard. If you've ever written a resume and had it professionally critiqued, it's kinda the same concept. Or you have to write a 1000 word easy and end up with 1500 when you finish.
ReplyDeleteAny input is good to know; I won't take it in a negative way unless I can't find something to learn from a suggestion. I'll rewrite the new one and make it more vague, to see if it becomes better. Tell me what you think of it later if you have time.
DeleteThe updated one is alot better now! Gj! I still like parts of the old one more but that's just personal preference haha.
DeleteI'll try and do some sort of merging of the two and make a better one soon. It's just so strangely difficult to write a good synopsis without spoiling too much and at the same time creating curiosity.
DeleteI personally prefer the old one, i like the mysterious sentence at the end rather than the big wording and rhetorical questions that consist of the new one.
ReplyDeleteGood to know, thanks :)
DeleteI'll probably keep the newer one for now, but I'll also most likely write another and include information from both the old and new. It's a bit difficult to actually judge them myself since I know what will happen. Never thought I'd have this problem, so I'm glad you're willing to help me judge the synopsis' content.