Saturday 3 October 2015

Prologue

A Life Forlorn and Forgotten

Sliding his back down the rough brick, Jason folded in on himself, huddling down, his head tucked in between his knees. The alley behind the club was dark and cold, but he felt colder, emptier than any time he had ever felt before. He couldn't feel anything; abject apathy colder than cold, calmer than calm, emptier than empty: an utter void.
Only after sitting for a while did he notice the cold wet where he sat. It was impossible to discern what the wetness was, the alley smelled bad enough that it could be anything. Urine, vomit, water, maybe even blood. He didn't know; didn't care. He couldn't think about anything other than the fight.
Earlier that night he had been slightly happy to have the opportunity to fight another fairly known fighter in the Pits—it always meant a huge paycheck—but when the Randomizer had chosen their fight to be a Deathmatch things had quickly turned sour. And the fight had been close; Jason only lived by the grace of a flicker of hesitation from his opponent. The knife had whistled through the air, closing in on Jason's throat, but at the last moment slowed slightly as Jason's own knife went up from below the opponent's rib cage and into the heart and lungs.
It had been close; too close. Reaching up, he touched the still slightly seeping red line of blood on his throat that was the proof of that. He sighed. It might have been better if the knife had actually struck home, killing him, removing his dreary existence from the realms of man. He wouldn't have really cared. Though, he thought, it's impossible to care after you're dead, so of course I wouldn't care. He only thought that it wouldn't have mattered much either way.
Blast!” He growled to himself, a flash of anger quickly sparked, but snuffed an instant later. Taking out the yellow envelope with cash he had grabbed before running out of the Fighting Pits, he looked at his reward for killing a man. Not even the ten thousand Creds bonus from a Deathmatch felt worth the effort anymore. He had had enough of this; going from place to place, fighting for other's enjoyment, fighting to dull his mind and body, fighting to forget his past, to feel something. But it hadn't worked. The brief flashes of pain and triumph, of strain and excitement, had only shown him the unpleasant extremes of feeling utterly alive one moment, then realizing how painfully meaningless everything was.
Ehum,” a smooth deep voice said. “You're Jason Galdera. Correct?”
Looking up, Jason saw a smartly dressed man in his late forties in a stylish black suit. Behind the man stood three larger than life men. Obviously the man's bodyguards by their mechanically enhanced arms and legs. One might even be a full android even? He couldn't tell. The bodyguards didn't interest Jason very much, nor did the man in the suit, but he had to at least give an answer since the man clearly knew something about Jason. “Yeah. So?”
You may call me Mr. Zein,” the man, Mr Zein, said.
Mr. Zein. What do you want?” Jason said, looking over the man more closely. There was something off about the man, almost as if he was too perfectly doing anything he did. Even Mr. Zein's voice was musical and smooth.
I want to recruit you Jason,” Mr. Zein said, reaching out a hand to Jason as if offering to help him up. “You have some qualities I think would be most appropriate in a little wager I'm having with a couple of friends.”
What kind of qualities? Could you be more specific? And what is it you want me to do?”
So many questions, so little time,” Zein snickered, almost musical laughter barely audible to Jason. “I saw your performance inside the Fighting Pits. You did very well. It was an exciting fight. I had already researched you and had come here tonight to offer you some work, but I just had to see you fight with my own eyes at least once. And boy, was I not disappointed. Well, I'd figured you were good with a knife, but to make the fight that dangerous just for the audience's pleasure, you're a true sportsman. That you can fight so well, even after the injuries; I'm impressed. You're a true warrior. A soldier rarely seen. Too bad about the dishonorable discharge. But one man's loss is another man's gain. And it seems this time I gain.”
Jason didn't know if he should take the man seriously or not, and really didn't like how Zein seemed to be certain Jason would work for him. It was suspicious. “So, what do you want with me?” he asked again, hoping to get a more coherent straight-forward answer.
I want you to be my proxy in a fight, or a game,” Zein said, pursing his lips, stroking them with a finger. “You could say it's both a fight and a game. And one with great stakes, larger than anything you can imagine.”
Yeah, that explained a lot," Jason said. "Speak straight or blast off. I'm tired.”
I will pay you a hundred million Creds,” Zein said, looking down into Jason's eyes, pausing for a moment to let the statement settle in. “But only if you win... And if you lose; well... then you get less, but I will at least give you enough to live for the rest of your life.”
Sounds too good to be true,” Jason said. “What's the catch? Suicidally dangerous game? Impossibly difficult to win? Or both?”
Good to see you're not all brawn and no brains at least,” Zein said, reaching out his hand again. “It's partly both, but also a long-term game. You will have to spend at least a few years to win it, if you don't die before that. But I chose you with a plan in mind and I think you have what it takes to win. So, will you work for me?”
After waiting a little, pondering the implications, Jason took the hand, feeling the firm, yet supple grasp and only now realized why the man felt a little odd. Zein was a full body cyborg, or at the very least close to it. “Fine. Blast it! But I don't really care anymore anyway. I'll go with you. Just give me a better, more in-depth, explanation of what you want me for.”
Good... Good,” Zein said, absentmindedly waving at Jason to come along. “Let's go to my 3DV. I'll explain on the way to where you'll be working.”
Lead the way,” Jason gestured. This time he was truly getting himself into something over his head. What kind of job would a cyborg want with him? Cyborgs were rare too, almost none could become one because of the extreme costs of both maintenance and building the body. It seemed his new employer at least could be trusted to have the hundred million offered. Only the arm on his body cost more, so Jason figured there at least was some credibility to the outlandish claim of a hundred million Creds reward. “This might actually be what I've been needing since I was kicked from the battlefield. Something to blot out this meaningless existence.”
Jason stopped cold when he saw where Zein was leading him. In a wider part of the road, some ten meters above the ground, hovered a black spherical 3D-vehicle Jason had only seen in his nightmares the last couple of years. Flashbacks of a darker, yet more fulfilling, part of Jason's life flashed through his mind, both exhilarating and terrifying; but, to his dismay, his feelings fizzled out almost as soon as they arose.
The 3DV wasn't your regular fare-ship seen around the wealthier neighborhoods. Zein's vehicle was a Spheroid 42E. Among the latest in the modified military battle bots series, its uniformly round, darkly metallic surface rippled once in a while as the thousand upon thousand of tiny scales shifted over each other to gather both information and energy from its surroundings. The ship could not be said to be truly like anything other than a Spheroid, a marvel of nanotechnological warfare. How could Zein even have one of those? Jason himself had only seen a couple while on the front-lines on the dwarf planet Ceres in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter.
The Spheroid robotic 3D-Vehicle was beyond dangerous to anyone and anything, it could tear a soldier wearing power armor to shreds in an instant, going through solid rock even easier. And the things were fast, beyond what you could follow with your eyes. Why was his new employer using a blasting death machine as transportation? He briefly contemplated if he had made a mistake in following Zein. He thought about turning around and not turning back, leaving this crazy, whatever it was, behind. But he had to ask, did he really want to?
Nice ship,” Jason said. “Hope you've got it programmed right or else we'll destroy a lot of the slums going through all the buildings because there's no difference between empty space and mass-filled neighborhoods in that thing's databases. It just plows through almost everything. They're built for causing massive destruction, you know.”
Not to worry,” Zein said as the ship slowly lowered to the ground. “I'll be careful driving it through only empty space. I was told I'd get my little darling confiscated if I went through more buildings this year. It's good the year's almost over.” He chuckled slightly, as if he had made a joke of some sort. Jason couldn't find what was funny, but that was his problem; he almost never could anymore.
A door spiraled open, an oval of light opening up to show the interior of the 3DV. Inside, to Jason's astonishment, was what looked like an open and cozy lounge with stuffed chairs and a sofa.
As soon as Zein sat, small tubular wires slid out from the chair, connecting to Zein's body, and then the ship started moving slightly, shuddering as if coming alive.
Jason sat down opposite Zein, waiting for the ship to start moving, trying to feel anything indicating motion, but felt nothing. What he had heard of the Spheroids were true, they even had inertial dampeners inside, making anyone inside as comfortable at Mach 20 as not moving at all. A true marvel of technology. It was a truism in any age that war made progress happen.
So, where should I begin?” Zein asked, but not waiting for an answer. “Okay. So this is the gist of it. About a hundred of my fellows are having a competition. We all must use a proxy competitor and have to enforce a couple of agreed upon rules on our proxies.
You will be entering a newly released Virtual Reality Game that has been launched by some of those that suggested the competition, and as such we have all gotten a specially made Virtual Reality connector, one of the more extensive trial-units that are not available for the general public. You will spend every waking hour in this machine until you are either killed in the game or somebody wins. It will most likely take years. Are you up for it?”
What's the game?” Jason asked, intrigued, and a bit wary. “I've only been in the virtual reality training computers in the army. Is it anything like that?”
Yes, and no,” Zein said. “The game itself is more advanced, more realistic. It's more real than reality, some say. I don't completely agree, though in a sense it's even better. When I tried the game it was as close to reality as to make no difference. Though I prefer reality because of my more... advanced senses and abilities here.” Zein nodded to the cord sticking out of his arm, connecting him to the Spheroid. “About the game though, maybe you've heard of it? It's called God's Dream... No? Well, it doesn't matter. It launched a little less than a month ago and is already showing the promise the creators of the game foretold. It will become the largest and most played game in the history of the world and it's no wonder. This game is the culmination of fifty years of research and experimentation with Virtual Reality computers.”
Sounds... interesting,” Jason said. “Depending on the rules.”
I figured you'd ask sooner or later,” Zein smirked. “First rule: if you die, you're dead. Self-explanatory, I suppose, if this was a fight in reality you would of course die if you were mortally wounded. Though in a game it's different, injuries won't kill you unless you actually die from them. But we can't have you playing around without consequences, which is why we got a hold of the more advanced VR-connectors; they can be built to destroy the brain of their user. And that's exactly what we have done with them. If you die in the game, you're killed in reality. Doesn't it sound exhilarating?”
Or stupid,” Jason said. “Why would you do something like that?”
To make it more interesting, of course,” Zein said, as if it was self-explanatory. “The second rule is that if there hasn't been a winner within five years everyone dies. You know... to give proper motivation. That's it. Two rules. Should be to easy to follow, right?”
It isn't exactly a matter of following the rules or not. It's more like having been informed about what rules are enforced. But, hey, that's reality for you. Few things in life are something you truly have control over. Except when you're on top.” Jason nodded slightly to Zein, who smirked in response.
I always hoped you were smarter than your files said. Seems I was right,” Zein said. “It took some time finding a suitable person to be my proxy, but you will at least be an interesting competitor. Anything else you want to know before we put you in the VR-connector? We've arrived now, if you wanted to know.”
Jason hadn't felt anything indicating they had arrived anywhere or even stopped or moved, but the time they had spent in the Spheroid made it possible that they were anywhere on the northern hemisphere, so he didn't really care about where they were. He had committed to his new job, it seemed like something that could be more fun than anything he had ever done, even battling those crazy occupiers in the asteroid fields. “Yeah, tell me some about how the virtual reality works before I enter. I never really played games before. It might be good to get me up to speed somewhat at least.”
That won't be necessary,” Zein said, smiling broadly now. “The thing is: I found you not only because of your military training. The thing I wanted most in my proxy was someone that didn't care about living anymore. Someone like you, someone who has given up on reality and could restart his life inside a virtual reality.”
Zein pursed his lips, as if pondering if he should explain further or not, but soon continued. “The person I wanted needed to have extensive nano-mechanical implants—like you have—that access all parts of his body so that I can use it to block off parts of the brain's memory synapses. Because I have the means to block out all your memories of yourself before you connect to the game completely, I want to do that with you. You will have knowledge about things, but you won't remember anything about yourself when you enter the game. Sounds interesting, doesn't it?”
Jason was stunned. Zein wanted to remove his memories? What memories? All? How could he even do that? “If you were going to erase your proxy's memories why did it matter who you did it to?”
Oh, you're right in a way, it doesn't matter much if you assume that all memories will be erased,” Zein said. “But unfortunately that's not possible, yet. The thing is, you will only lose your memories of specific events and things that happened in your life. Your instincts, motor functions and cognitive abilities will remain. So there will still be some of you left inside, a remnant of your former self. It will be like a reincarnation of your soul in a virtual reality. And before you enter the game you will be able to create your own character while your memories are intact. That is my way of giving you a new start at life. A life in a world where everything is a game. Doesn't it sound intriguing?”
It actually sounded better than anything Jason had thought possible. A new life in a place that was designed to be fun could never be less interesting than the life he now lived. He thought that he might have found an answer to his apathy. He could just erase his memories and live a new life in the game. It couldn't be worse than his current living situation. So he agreed to what Zein proposed. “Actually, it does sound like it would be better than living on as I live my life right now. So when do I start? Now?”
Great to hear,” Zein said. “You can see the pod over there, just take off your clothes and lay down in the bed and we'll do everything else. You're sure you don't want any contracts or the like? I have them ready for you to sign.”
It doesn't matter much,” Jason said. “I'll most likely die in this game of yours.”
True enough,” Zein said, frowning slightly. “But even so, I could give you a small up-front payment of say two million Creds. I'll send it to your credit account now.” Zein flicked his arm and a sheet of translucent film stretched between his arms. On the screen he showed as he transferred two million into Jason's account. “There we go. At ease now? Even if you don't come back your next of kin will at least get something.”
Thanks,” Jason said, not showing any signs of emotion. “I don't really have any next of kin though, but in my will I put down that all my possessions should be donated to a veteran's hospital I've got some old friends in. So that's always good.
And another thing. You said the game was as close to reality as it could be. What does that mean? And I need to know about basic game system things before I create my character. You said I would only lose my memories after I've made the character and connected to this God's Dream. So, how does it work?”
Hm, fair enough,” Zein said. “It would be good if you could make a great starter character that you then could use well even if your memories are gone. Okay. Where to begin?
First of all, there are eight basic stats, four bodily and four mental, that all characters have. These are Strength, Dexterity, Endurance, Vitality, Perception, Intelligence, Wisdom and Willpower. When you create your character you will get up to 72 points to put in any of these however you wish. You can, for example, put ten in every Stat and be a normal average starting character or you can specialize even from the beginning. It's the player's choice. And every time you level up you will get eight points to put into these stats. These stats also alter your body and mind within the virtual reality. For example, if you put lots of points into strength you would be both several times stronger than a normal person and feel like it was true that you were that strong.”
Hold up,” Jason interrupted. “You mean to say that if I put lots of points into, say Intelligence, I would become smarter than I am now in this world. How is that possible?”
It's all about tapping that hidden potential all brains have,” Zein said “Or that's how it was explained to me. This is a virtual reality where your mind and body expands within the game according to how your character's Stat Points are distributed. Which is to say that your character in the game is another version of everyone that plays the game. It's quite a remarkable achievement. With this, anyone can become as smart, strong or fast as they ever dreamed of, at least inside the game.”
That does sound strange,” Jason said, but could already see the implications and had a great idea on how to exploit that if he got to create his character. “When I create my character, will I be able to feel these changes as I fiddle around with the basic stats?”
I think so, why?” Zein asked, seemingly intrigued.
Oh, it's nothing. I just want to get a feel for the stats before I commit to using them.”
Okay, if you say so,” Zein said. “Let me continue with the explanation then. Another thing you should know about God's Dream is that there are an almost infinite amount of skills to learn in the game. Most skills gain levels as the user uses them and become stronger, more refined versions of themselves. The game-system can even create entirely new skills from a player's behavior and give the skill appropriate 'in-game' description and abilities.
Another important thing in this game is that you can gain experience points not only for your level, but also for your basic stats. Meaning you can go for a run or lift weights to gain dexterity or strength; you can read books and solve puzzles to gain intelligence and wisdom; and so forth. It's easier to learn this when you're in the game and see the effects of what you're doing.”
Is that so?” Jason said. “Well, I think you might be right. It's easier to understand something while doing it.”
That's my thought exactly,” Zein said. “It's also the reason why I'll block all your memories except the last hour or so where I explained about the game to you. When you enter the game you will not remember who you are, but know why and where you are.
This is an experiment I'm sort of conducting. I want to know if you will do better or worse than your competitors that still have their memories. I don't think anyone else of my friends thought of having a player without any personal memories enter the game. It will be amusing to see how you differ from the other players.”
If I win, will I get my memories back?” Jason asked, though not really caring if he did. It would probably be better to actually have his memories back. He would most likely die anyway; he wished he could care.
Yes,” Zein said, shrugging. “I hope it will motivate you to excel.”
Okay,” Jason said. “Anything else I should know?”
I could talk on and on about the game. It would take days to go over only the most relevant information about the game. It is, after all, the first attempt at creating a truly new reality.” Zein said. “But we don't have the time. Get on the bed and put your head in the device. We'll take care of your body while you play.”
Jason lay down on his back, squirming to get into place for the over-sized helmet he had to put over his head and face.
You don't have to do that.” Zein said, gesturing to some people in hospital gowns that entered the room. “These are the people that will take care of everything for you. Just relax and close your eyes.”
Doing as he was told, Jason relaxed. Moments later, he felt the sharp stinging sensation that always accompanied the insertion of a cable into the data-jack at the back of his neck. A surge of energy flooded his mind. Everything went black for a moment. Then he stood inside a white room, looking at a reflection of himself, holding an ephemeral Data-screen. When he moved, the reflection moved. It wasn't like a mirror, however, it was more like a doll that looked and moved exactly as him.
What do you want to be called in God's Dream?” A feminine voice chimed from somewhere.
Thinking for a while, not really having a good idea of what to call himself he went with something easy, something his old squad had called him in the army: “Jay.”
Very well, Jay. Welcome to God's Dream,” the voice said. “You are specifically Jay#47561. This name and number is only your specific indicator of your person.”
Fine,” Jason said, looking down on the data-screen.
Choose your race:
Human
Elven
Beastial
Dwarven
Computer,” Jason said. “What are the differences between races?”
The Human race has no sub-race. It is adaptive and can become almost anything. This race also has the most Stat Points to distribute before entering the game, at 72.”
The Elven race has five sub-races: Wood Elf, Moon Elf, Dark Elf, Pixie and Shay. The Elven sub-races have an inclination toward the hunter-, thief- and ranger-specific professions. They have elevated Dexterity, Intelligence and Perception as their core Stat Points. You can change 40 Stat Points on your own at creation.”
The Bestial races have four sub-races: Cat-people, Dog-people, Rodent-people and Lizard-people. These four races have little in common and are geared toward different Professions. The Cat-people are dominant in Dexterity, Perception and Vitality. The Dog-people are dominant in Strength, Endurance and Willpower. The Rodent-people are dominant in Dexterity, Endurance and Vitality. The Lizard-people are dominant in Strength, Wisdom and Vitality. You can change 40 Stat Points on your own at creation.”
The Dwarven races have three sub-races: Dwarf, Gnome and Halfling. Dwarves are good with their hands, and all have an additional Skill at the beginning of the game called 'Handicraft' which helps in the manual creation of things. The Dwarf has its primary Stat Points in Strength, Dexterity and Endurance. The Gnome has its primary Stat Points in Dexterity, Wisdom and Intelligence. The Halfling has its primary Stat Points in Dexterity, Perception and Endurance. You can change 40 Stat Points on your own at creation.”
The AI listed off all that information at a hurried pace. Jason thought his head was going to explode. “If the human race has 72 Stat Points to distribute at the beginning of the game, what's the benefit to choose any other race?”
Humans have a total of 80 Stat Points at their beginning, but all other races have more than 120 starting Stat Points; 80 of those Stat Points are fixed at creation, however. You can either choose a prepared and slightly stronger starting character or build your own from scratch, even though it's weaker.”
I see,” Jason said, clicking the button for Human.
Okay, Jason thought, looking down on the Data Screen in his hand. It said:
Enter Your Basic Stats
Strength
STR
0
+
-
Dexterity
DEX
0
+
-
Endurance
END
0
+
-
Vitality
VIT
0
+
-
Perception
PER
0
+
-
Wisdom
WIS
0
+
-
Intelligence
INT
0
+
-
Willpower
WIL
0
+
-
Stats Remaining: 0
This was where he hoped his idea from earlier would pay for itself. He reduced all stats except Intelligence and Wisdom. He had always wished he were both smart and wise, but in his life he had always felt lacking in the mental department; this was a chance to change that. Looking at all the stats he could see what they did and how they influenced his character.
The four physical stats Strength, Endurance, Dexterity and Vitality changed different physical attributes and could be clearly seen in his reflection. The four mental stats Perception, Intelligence, Wisdom and Willpower did not change his appearance, but he could still somehow feel their influence inside his mind.
After having reduced all stats except Intelligence and Wisdom to 1, he now had 54 stats to distribute where he wanted. He quickly put all of them in Intelligence, and the most marvelous thing happened. He felt a clarity of thought he had never felt before. Looking at his reflected body he saw that the reduced Strength, Endurance, Vitality and Dexterity had changed his body into looking skeletal and gaunt, yet a spark of something seemed to be alive in his eyes.
He could actually see the difference his Stats made on his physical appearance. It was as Zein had said. Now he only had to think about what the smartest way to build his starting character would be. And he already had the idea of having high Intelligence and Wisdom, because it would greatly increase the way he could plan how to improve inside the game.
He removed some points from Intelligence and put them into Wisdom to see if that gave him the ability he thought it would: to make it possible to see more alternatives about how to choose what he should do. And it did. He could visualize more options about how to go about creating his character.
He fiddled around some more, taking away points from his Intelligence and putting them into other stats that he thought he needed to raise. He raised his wisdom some more, thinking it best to have the ability to think of more options than to have a clearer picture of what was. The difference between Intelligence and Wisdom was small, yet significant. He could feel how Intelligence gave him the understanding of what was, while Wisdom gave him the ability to use what he understood to come to new conclusions.
After some time—he did not know how long—he felt finished. Though now that he looked at his Data Screen he felt troubled. He knew he had understood clearly what he needed in each stat when he had a much higher Intelligence, but now that he had lowered his Intelligence he didn't really understand it any more. But he somehow knew that he should trust his former, smarter self.
Hey, Computer? I'm done.” Jason said.
Do you wish to change your outer appearance?” the light female voice asked from everywhere.
Yes, how do I do that? Or rather, could you just make me look like I did when I entered this room, but younger. I want to look like I did before, when I actually cared about things.”
There you are,” the computer said.
Before Jason stood an image of himself, or rather the man he had been before he entered the battlefield. He looked like when he was still at the Company's War Academy, at the top of his physical condition and a bright future ahead of him as a squad leader.
Looking at his old self, the reflection's golden brown crew-cut hair, strong muscled arms and lanky build, made him feel old. The ordinary, but calm face, with piercing light blue eyes, looked like how he still saw himself when he thought about his youth. It felt refreshing to see a reflection of himself that didn't look worn and weary, and without his usual dully uncaring eyes.
Thanks,” Jason said, not knowing why he thanked the computer, but knowing he had just felt nostalgic about something good for the first time in years. “Well, I'm done now then?”
Yes, soon. Where do you wish to start your journey?” the female voice asked, and everything shifted.
Looking down, Jason saw what looked like it could be a very accurate map if it hadn't been covered by a misty black... something... disguising most of the places. The only things he could see with any clarity were the hundred or so dots that he assumed were cities. He could see their relative size and figured there were eight very large cities, some twenty smaller cities and the rest could only be called over-sized villages. “Can you tell me where the most players start?”
Of course Jay,” the voice said. “The cities of Silfrey, Mornock and Falfarrion have all had close to one million players immigrate there. Closely after those are...”
Enough,” Jason said, interrupting the Computer. He didn't care about the names of cities right now, he only wanted to know where not to start. “Tell me of a few places that have not had more than ten thousand starting players, but more than five thousand.”
Okay. There is Rudaria, Garam's Gorge, Marin Shallows, Shayd Hollow and...”
Jason interrupted again, “Which of those are not close to the largest cities?”
Garam's Gorge and Shayd Hollow are not close to any large city.”
Tell me some general information about them.”
Garam's Gorge is in the mountains. A small city, mostly reliant on its mining and foresting, it gives access to all the starting professions and some more specialized in mining and foresting.
Shayd Hollow is in the desert, surrounded by it in fact, but situated at an oasis beneath a humongous rock that has been hollowed out as the city grew. It's specialized in trading and survival in harsh environments. It gives access to all the starting professions and some more specialized trading and exploration. Where do you wish to start?”
Jason was silent for some time. What was better? A mining town close to a forest or a desert city with lots of trade? After some thinking, he chose the first. “Send me to Garam's Gorge.” And as soon as he did a flash of light blinded him of everything in his surroundings.




14 comments:

  1. Interesting and captivating, all that a prologue should be, your writing is clean and clear so far. Do you have help with editing or is it all by you? From what I just read I really can't understand why readers are skipping this.

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    1. A bit late in answering, but here goes... I do it all myself.
      I have to both write and edit myself because my first draft of any chapter isn't very eloquent and I often rewrite much the first time I go through it. After that I read through and edit again at a later date to make the writing-style and story as good as I possibly can make it.
      For me, it actually takes just as long to edit and rewrite things as it takes to write something new, but it's worth it because the text and story improves greatly.

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  2. Thank you for your time. The reason I asked is because I've been waiting to write as well and I have been trying to decide wether it's best to publish directly through Kindle or some similar service but now I'm more inclined to make a webnovel like you. I hope you continue to write your story because it's really good and though it's similar to Overlord it has it's unique twists and this virtual game genre needs more works that explore possibilities in the same manner as you have done with this. From an aspiring writer to another, I wish you success and may you enjoy writing to your heart's content!

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    1. No problem, when I started this blog I had the intention of answering as many comments as I had time for. So, I appreciate your comments, it shows that you're interested in what I've created :)

      If you want to write, write, but do it for yourself first and foremost; that way you will enjoy the process and even if you can't garner outside interest you will still feel glad you wrote what you've written. It's always best to find an internal, selfish, reason for doing things first, because only you are in control of that and it makes it easier to do whatever it is you want to do because your motivation and drive comes from within yourself.

      I think publishing things are difficult no matter how you do it, but since the world is becoming more digitized as time passes it might be best to publish something online directly, avoiding the costs and time it takes if you want to try and get a publishing house interested in your work. I've tried that and one year later I'm still waiting for a reply for the last story I sent away.
      Another reason for posting a story online is that you will know fairly quickly if what you've created has any potential or not.

      It's good to have the support of another aspiring writer, and I wish for your success too. If/When you've posted your web-novel, give me a link and I'll read it; and if you want me to, I can even give pointers. Even though I'm not a writer for a living I read books/stories practically every day and have a fair grasp of storytelling in general.

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. *wanting not waiting (what I meant to say in the remover comment), now I hate auto-correction even more.

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  4. Before you begin reading this, I just wanted to let you know that Ctrl+F is a basic function in most browsers that will prove itself essential for works to come. I spotted some technical hiccups and some inadequacies:

    "had only shown the him the unpleasant extremes of feeling utterly alive and only moments later realize how painfully meaningless everything was."

    I think this needs rephrasing, and I think the pacing as well could use some work. "feeling utterly alive and", I think, is wrong. Perhaps "feeling utterly alive, only to later realize how painfully meaningless everything was"? It's plain enough to work. I don't know the quirks of your writing so you be the judge \.o./
    ----------
    "And if you lose; well... then you get less, but I will at least give you enough to live for the rest of your life.”

    "Though in a game it's different, which is why we got a hold of the more advanced VR-connectors, they can be built to destroy the brain of their user. And that's exactly what we have done with them. If you die in the game, you're killed in reality. Doesn't it sound exhilarating?”
    ----------

    Is that a contradiction or did Mr. Zein actually dupe Jay into embarking on life-threatening circumstances for seemingly no reason? I hope not, lol.

    "it could tear soldier's wearing power armor to shreds in an instant"

    Basic error and stuff

    "A truism in any age: war made progress happen."

    I think it's a questionable use of the colon. I'm not too sure myself so I referred to this link http://grammar.about.com/od/punctuationandmechanics/a/semicolondash.htm

    "You will be entering a newly released Virtual Reality Game that have been"

    Another error, I think. "have been" would have been applicable if it referred to a plural form of the singular "Virtual Reality Game". (VRM? mk)

    "Its more real than reality,"

    Basic error and stuff

    "Should be easy follow, right?”







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    1. Pt. 2:

      --Should be easy follow, right?”

      I haven't ever heard of "easy follow" as a phrase before. Perhaps you meant "easy to follow"?

      "Jason was stunned. Zein wanted to remove his memories? What memories? All? How did he even do it?"

      The last sentence implies that his memories were already taken away. Did he? Maybe Jay meant to ask "How could he possibly do so" or something along the lines.

      “Thanks,” Jason said, not showing any sign of emotion."

      I taught myself to be critical of every single word in my very small collection of varied works. It's starting to become an obsessive compulsive of some sort. :3 Anyway, I thought that the plural form of "sign" would be perfect.

      “Very well, Jay. Welcome to God's Dream,” the voice said. “You are specifically Jay#47561. This name and number is only your specific indicator of your person.”

      Something a bit more subtle. His specific indicator of his person -- to be honest, it doesn't sound like something he'll ever need, nor be in possession of it. In this context, its usage is questionable, but not necessarily a technical mishap.

      "The only things he could see with any clarity was the hundred or so dots that he assumed were cities."

      A slight grammatical fault, I'm thinking. "see with any clarity was", with "were" being more appropriate, as it refers to the subject of the sentence (being plural in form). Or maybe it's actually correct usage because of the following term "the hundred", I don't know.

      I'm not actually very familiar with the related jargon -- if I had a better grounding on the basics of English, my insight would be much more critical. However, I noticed some basic errors before I ever started my little hunt. Some things I spotted are relevant, I think.

      This isn't my actual critique of the story itself by the way, just some pinpointing of possible errors. I will accomplish the rest of my hunt later from here to the latest, and I hope I can get finished by the end of the day. Then I will start writing my critique. :3

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    2. Wow, this took longer than I thought. Two hours... k

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    3. Double-checking my work. I actually failed to spot something!

      "had only shown the him"

      The most glaring issue was right there and I didn't see it before. "the him" is quite quaint to say the least :3

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    4. Wow, you're right. So many errors... I'm a bit amazed I missed that much, actually. I will go through the first few chapters and edit them again, taking your observations into account.

      Thank you very very much for doing this :D

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    5. Changed: “had only shown the him the unpleasant extremes of feeling utterly alive and only moments later realize how painfully meaningless everything was”
      to: "had only shown him the unpleasant extremes of feeling utterly alive one moment, then realizing how painfully meaningless everything was."

      Changed: "If you win... And if you lose; well... then you get less, but I will at least give you enough to live for the rest of your life.”
      to: “But only if you win... And if you lose; well... then you get less, but I will at least give you enough to live for the rest of your life.”

      Mr Zein isn't the most wholesome character, I won't say more than that.

      Changed: “it could tear soldier's wearing power armor to shreds in an instant”
      to: “ it could tear a soldier wearing power armor to shreds in an instant”

      The statement "A truism in any age: war made progress happen." I think is correct, mostly because the colon is used there to emphasize the point. But I changed it to:
      “It was a truism in any age that war made progress happen” it's easier to follow my meaning in that sentence.

      You're right about the “that have been” it should be “that has been”, changed it.
      The other two errors have been changed too.

      Changed: “Jason was stunned. Zein wanted to remove his memories? What memories? All? How did he even do it?”
      to: “Zein wanted to remove his memories? What memories? All? How could he even do that?”
      Changed “sign” to “signs”, you're right there too.

      The reason I included “Jay#47561" is because all other users that can actually log out have a use for their specific number, so the computer automatically gives that to anyone logging in for the first time.

      You're right about it being "were" not "was", changed it too.

      Now I've fixed the errors you've pointed out and shall go through the whole text again.
      Thanks for showing me how to improve the text :D

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    6. Now I've gone through it all again and changed some little things I found. I will spend some time and look through the other chapters too now... Since so many flaws could be found in this prologue I really have to go through it all again. Hopefully the later chapters have fewer mistakes in them.

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